HedonsFair Advice Column

Dear Closet Domi-need, Your fascination with domination is totally normal and you should feel comfort in knowing that your sexual preference rates among some of the highest and most common out there. Domination explores the more mental parts of BDSM where power dynamics are used as part of the erotic experience. In any stable and commited relationship, two people should feel comfortable sharing their preferences with each other. If you have reached a point in your relationship where you trust and feel you can be open with your partner, there should not be a fear of sharing your feelings and preferences with her. Besides, you should want her to accept you for who you are. However, there is something to be said for easing into a conversation like that without shocking a conservative partner. You may want to start small by introducing her to some sex toys, buying her a corset that might be more to her liking, and later on probe her on her feelings about sexual play....take baby steps. Another great way to introduce her to more experimental ways of having sex is by having fun in the bed with her, make the bed and bedroom a place that she mentally thinks about as a fun area and a place she looks forward to going. It will put her in a good mood and make her feel more open about new sexual experiences. Later, as your relationship grows and becomes more stable and secure, you should begin having conversations about your preferences. Her feelings for you should be able to support whatever preferences you have. Good luck Domi-need, both in your relationship and in your bed.

Dear Model in the Making,

There are some factors that are important here - depending on how old you are, my answer would vary on whether or not you should disclose to your parents what you're doing. Are you 16, 22, or 32?

Assuming you're of a reasonable, consenting adult age, and you have a good head on your shoulders, it really just depends on how conservative your parents are and how open-minded they would be to what you're doing. Some parents are permissive and allow their children to find their own way, rather than trying to make their children do what they want. At the other end of the spectrum is the more authoritarian parenting style, which usually results in rebellion at some stage in the child/teen's development. Most parents fall somewhere in-between. You need to ask yourself how open you think your parents will be to receiving information of this type.

If your parents fall more towards the authoritarian, conservative style, and you want to share with them how you're paying the bills, perhaps you might want to start by telling them about your modeling, give them some time to get used to the idea, then over time slowly drop hints about the type of fetish modeling you're doing and eventually let them know that you have clients that pay for you to spend time entertaining them, go over how your safety is protected, and that under no uncertain terms is sex involved. You will need to spend time explaining this to them, no matter what type of parents they are.

On the other hand, you could simply not tell them.

Good luck, Model in the Making!

Dear Closet Fetishist,

First, think about with whom you want to share this information. For friends, it should be people in your close circle, who are open and accepting and with whom you think you will maintain a long-term relationship. No need to share something potentially embarrasing that could be hurtful if that person won't be around in the long term, or if they are generally going to be unaccepting of your preference. For family, refer to my previous entry where I discuss opening up to family members about fetishes.

Other than people in your close circle of friends, because this is a personal - and I emphasize personal - preference, one that not everyone will understand or accept, I would suggest that you keep the sharing to those only close to you, who you call friends. No co-workers allowed. Even coworkers who are friends are not allowed. There's too much of a danger of this interfering with your work, and you HAVE to see those people every day, you have no choice in the matter. I can't emphasize how important it is to keep coworker relationships at a comfortable level.

Second, think about why you want to share this information. Are you looking for a support network? Do you want to feel closer to your friends/family? Do you feel like you have to live your life openly and honestly and thus want to tell this important part of your life to them?

I suspect those around you who are close to you already know or have some suspicion about your fetish already, and whether you want to go to your family members and tell them directly is up to you, but think about looking into a support system of people who have fetishes or finding friends who share your preference. I don't necessarily mean an online group but personal interaction where you meet and interact with others. Who knows, it could open up a whole new avenue of interesting ideas for you....

Dear Fearful Latex Fetish Guy,

It sounds like you two have a healthy and communicative relationship, one in which both you and your GF have been able to express your needs and desires to each other in an open and honest way. Why stop now? Go ahead and let her know what you crave. She's been willing and accomodating this far, which is more than probably what the average girl would be willing to do. My guess is she would be willing to participate in more of your fetish preferences. If it becomes a "drag" or if she becomes "overwhelmed" by your desires, my guess is given her past history of communicating her needs to you, she would probably let you know. Who knows, maybe she might even like it.

Dear Photobuff,
Here is my list of must-do's:

1. Make sure you make your girlfriend feel like she is beautiful, and that you view her as the most beautiful girl you know or could ever know. Imbue in her a sense of confidence that you want her and her only.
2. Occasionally include her as the subject in some of your photos. Let's face it, all women like to be viewed as beautiful even if it means at some level that they are being objectified.
3. I say continue to post and take photos but remember this is a dangerous area which women are naturally inclined to take offense to and it is simply natural for her to feel threatened, especially when her man is openly commenting on other women.

However, hopefully she will feel confident enough in your feelings for her that your noting the attractiveness of other women, which simply exists regardless of whether she wants it to or not, will not matter so much.